I tremble slightly writing this down, so I’ll be a bit cryptic in order to save my place in the program. ☺ Recently in my writing I did face a “wave that almost put me out.” I hoped it would only be an off-balancing wave, not a complete wipe out, and thankfully that was the case. I was work-shopping my most recent chapter on faith-based public relations when the wave was building and the tide was coming at me so fast that I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to stay calm and face the wave. I couldn’t afford to lose sight of the goal—survival. The wave felt personal, vicious even…evil. What happened in the workshop isn’t as important as what happened after the workshop was over and I was once again back at my computer to work on my chapter.
I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t write. I was restless as if some foreign attention deficit disorder had overtaken my brain. What was happening to me? I just wanted to go lay on my bed and watch a TV show on my iPad or head for the beach and say to hell with it—escapism. Yet, there was a deadline and no matter how hard I’d been hit by the wave, I was determined that I was going to not only survive, but I would conquer this and navigate my way back to my goal. I was going to finish this chapter and finish strong. But I still couldn’t shake it.
My roommate for the time could tell I was having a hard time and offered some divinely-inspired advice at the most perfect time in the day. She encouraged me that I couldn’t allow my confidence to be shaken. I know my craft and I know my audience and I can’t allow this authority to steal that experience and expertise from me with his biting words. Wow. I literally felt all of the anxiety and block just fall off of me. She was right, God was right. I know what I’m doing. I might not have all of the ins and outs of putting it on paper mastered just yet, but I know my craft and I definitely know my audience and my agent wouldn’t be asking for my proposal fixes if I didn’t.
I learned a great lesson that day. The waves will come and they will feel insurmountable, but they are just waves. Tomorrow the tide will go out, the sea will calm and there will be a whole new set of obstacles to overcome. The important part is that they can be overcome—that in this instance, I overcame them and lived to write another day.
Good for you, Jessica. Remember the words of Virginia Woolf: "Literature is strewn with the wreckage of men who have minded beyond reason the opinions of others."
ReplyDeleteAll of us face the stunting of our desire to keep writing in the face of criticism. I don't think it's such a bad thing, the little set-back. In my experience, my ego hurts. I hate it when that happens. But when I come back to my desk, I know that my ego is not leading the pack. You just sit and do it because that's what you do.
ReplyDeleteJessica,
ReplyDeleteI, too, had a bad workshop experience that nearly wiped out my love for writing poetry. However, after I got over it and continued on with the workshops, I realized that my pride had blinded me to see that the critic was actually correct. It was difficult for me to get past all that was said about my writing, but now that I have, I can't write poetry the same way I did, and that's a good thing!
All this talk of storms reminds me of this verse:
"This is what God says,
the God who builds a road right through the ocean,
who carves a path through pounding waves,
The God who summons horses and chariots and armies—
they lie down and then can't get up;
they're snuffed out like so many candles:
'Forget about what's happened;
don't keep going over old history."
(Isaiah 43:16-17 The Message)
I have been there myself. Workshops hurt sometimes. I know that there have been times that I have been so proud of something and then during the workshop I have been crushed. But I have to keep going. If God has inspired it, He will write it through you!!
ReplyDeleteHeather,
Thanks for that verse, Very encouraging. I love the Message!!
Jessica, sometimes, I think, people are a bit prejudiced against "faith-based" writing, particularly in academia. It's not right, but it's often the case. You've got an agent cheering you on and a strong shot at publication and that's much more than most of us, so you hold firm.
ReplyDeleteWhen my mom was giving me advice that felt like criticism, she would say to me, "Kathleen, just receive the information." And I still use that as a bit of a mantra when I'm having to hear something I don't want to hear, something that might hurt. Receive the information, consider the source, and decide later what you want to do with that information. There may be some kernel of truth in it, or it may all belong in the dumpster. But it's really tough when the speaker is mean about it, isn't it?!!?!
I need to quit using the phrase "a bit" so much, I just realized!
ReplyDeleteThank you all so much! I'm so encouraged by your thoughts. And yes, thank you for that scripture, Heather!
ReplyDeleteThe beautiful way you wrote your blog tells me your book is going to be beautiful too. Inspiration and courage are sometimes hard to hold onto, but when I hear others' struggles, like yours and McClure's, it helps me stay focused and strong. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDelete